Excerpt: The Caroline Affair

I know I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm not stupid. Dumb, not stupid. Yes, there does happen to be a difference. It's not like I don't notice things, because I do, I really so. I just... it's sort of like Friday Night Live. Like, don't you have better things you could be doing with your time? Rachel absolutely loved that show, though. At least I think she did. Either that or Louisa loved it. I think it was Rachel, because she was close to my age. Yeah, we went to school together, that's right! God, I hated school. It was like the 10th circle of Hell. However, if there is something I learned from school, it's how to do research! It's actually really easy- what you do is you just go t o the head librarian, whoever he or she may be and beg and please and just be generally annoying until you find out the answer you're looking for. Because, after all, everyone knows that librarians know everything.

I also know that I do not want Bell to find out what I'm working on because if he does, he'll assume the worst. God knows that me not remembering shit is a sure sign that I must've been raped or something just as horrible. Yeah, sure. So, I need to come up with another plan to get rid of Bell. Right now he's sitting outside my door, probably leaning against the back of his chair, legs crossed at the ankles, arms folded. Well, either his arms are folded or he's reading a book. Not that book he was reading the other day in the Reading Room, but this little one that he keeps in the inside pocket of his jacket. It's a burnt orange color and any time I poke my head out of my door in the middle of the night he's thumbing through it with this really sad look on his face.

I slam my door open and- yep. I was right! He's looking through the book again!

"Miss Caroline?" he asks, placing the book back inside his jacket pocket, "Something I can do for you?"

"Yes." I say tartly, "Bell, can you get Amy for me? I want to ask her something."

Bell looks at me before saying slowly, "Miss Caroline, I believe Rylla is meeting with her doctor."

"Well, I need to speak with her!" for good measure, I make sure to stamp my foot.

"Could I help answer your question?" I purse my lips. He's just like my dad it sometimes feels like. My eyes actually widen. Eureka! Genius!

I give Bell my best pathetic face, "Well, it's kind of a girl thing, Bell." he watches me expectantly and I almost start to blush- am I going to have to spell it out for him? Dear Bell, I've got my P-E-R-I-O-D. At least that should sufficiently scare him off. I mean, I'd rather not, but if he continues to act like an idiot then I might not have a choice. After all, I've got to get rid of him somehow!

"Miss Caroline," he says softly but gravely, "Are you menstruating?"

Oh sweet merciful Jesus! My entire face, all down my neck, all the way to the balls of my feet go positively primary red. He didn't just ask me if I had my period, did he?

"Why are you so embarrassed?" he asks and I try to force myself to calm down. It's not that embarrassing. It's not that embarrassing. It's not!

Yeah, it kind of is, actually.

"Bell, can you just find Amy and ask her for some Tampax or something?" and he gives me The Look, "Or," I say quickly, "Whatever it is that girls use to plug it up here. Please?" for just half a second I'm worried he knows I'm trying to get rid of him. After all, it's not like I haven't tried to get rid of him before but unless he checks my sheets or something, there's no way for him to know I'm lying, right?