Excerpt: The Narwhar

In spite of the flourishing environmentalist movement, Zack refused to get rid of his beloved gas-hog: a dark blue 1976 Caprice Classic he had named Christine. Nothing pissed him off more than being preached at; since he and his wife drove smaller cars to work, and they only used the big car on special occasions, he didn't see what the problem was. Lately he had been in the mood for a little Greenie-baiting, and he had even gone so far as to put a bumper-sticker on the Caprice that read Slay The Earth! Anyone who got in his face or tried to mess with his car soon realized they had a rabid wolverine by the tail. He had a keen eye for hypocritical fuckwits and he always got the upper hand in those encounters. And for those tweakable people who weren't environmentally inclined, he had put Nader '08 stickers on both of their small cars.
Hannah threw some snacks in a bag, Rune grabbed a book to read, Zack started the car, and off they went.
The new Cabela's store was the size of a small town. It had a green roof and log-cabin-style walls. There was a huge statue of two wrestling bears near the parking lot.
As they got out of the car, a guy in a Prius parked in the spot next to theirs. The back of the Prius was stuffed with camping gear. The guy practically flung himself out of his car in his eagerness to confront someone who didn't take Mother Earth seriously. "You think that bumper-sticker is funny?" he said to Zack.
"The people who over-react to it are funny," Zack said with a straight face. "I use that sticker to flush them out."
The guy was temporarily at a loss for words, and then he said, "We're trying to get a law passed, you know. The law will make you junk that car."
Zack, who was in too good a mood to have his day ruined by some asshole busybody, decided to use his Ancestry Argument. "I'm Norwegian," he said. "Back home, we kill whales. Over here, we drive 'em." He pointed at Christine. "Now fuck off, 'cause we have stuff to do." He locked the car and walked away, leaving the now-speechless Prius driver to contemplate Norway's many sins.