Synopsis: The Wall is a Unicorn

"Are you lost?" The elf asked.

"Not really. I mean, maybe, kind of."

"May I ask what you're doing wandering the halls of the Castle?"

I shrugged. "Just looking around."

"It's just that...most people don't actually 'just look around' The Castle," the elf pointed out to me.

I snorted and pawed my hoof a little. "Yeah, well, I'm not people, buddy, I'm a unicorn."

"I can see that." The elf and I stared awkwardly at each other for a little while. "Okay, so, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now, if you don't mind," the elf said.

I shook my head. "I'm kind of interested in seeing the rest of the Castle, actually." I headed down a particularly interesting looking hallway, but the elf jumped in front of me, shaking his head vigorously.

"You can't go down that hallway, you simply can't, that's the hallway the king's dragon lives in." Instantly, his hand flew to his mouth. "Whoops. That's not for civilians to know."

"Well, I'm not a civilian, I've actually got a job here at the Castle." I didn't bother telling him that I'd already been fired from said job, before I could even fill out the paperwork.

Anyway, he didn't entirely believe me, anyway. In fact, he raised one elfish eyebrow in suspicion and fixed me with an "are you fucking with me?" glare.

"It's true," I said. "I'm going to be an official caretaker."

"Have you already been through training?" the elf asked. I silently thanked whatever deity might be in charge of the elves' complete lack of knowledge of the goings on in The Castle, including employees and orientations that were currently taking place.

"I have."

"Well, where's your name tag and badge?"

He got me there. "I have it, but I can't show it to you because it's the new, revised, invisible badge."

The elf looked at me askance. "Why would they create an invisible badge? What would be the point of that? Then how could hall monitors check and see who's trespassing?"

"Well, what if you're trespassing? May I see your badge?"

The elf shifted uncomfortably. "I don't have a badge. I'm not required to carry one."

I nodded, giving the elf the evil eye. "Uh huh. I see. So if you don't have a badge, and I do, then which one of us is really supposed to be here?"

There were stares. Stares that made me uncomfortable and probably made the elf uncomfortable, too. In fact, I'm quite certain the elf was very uncomfortable.

"I - you're right. Maybe I shouldn't be here after all..."

I had cracked the elf. Good on me. "That's right. Maybe you should just go home, get some rest, have a nice cup of tea, and then consider what you could do for a living instead of aimlessly patrolling the Castle pretending to be a guard."

The elf nodded. "I'm sorry. I never should have...I'll go home."

It's a good thing elves are easily confused. He took of his hat and put it on my head. "If you're going to be the patrol guard, you have to have this hat," he said.

I nodded. "I appreciate that."

The elf put his hands together, took them apart, stuck them in his pockets, looked around awkwardly, then turned to leave.

And that's how I became a hall monitor at The Castle.