Excerpt: Billy and Mandy and the Lost Plot Device / !! (A Brilliant Move) // Endless World // The End of Minor Kingdoms

Billy/Mandy/Plot device:
Speaking of the apple which was now a peach, it had avoided narration for a while. So had Billy. The time had come to change this, as Billy discovered the golden peach, went "Oooooo", and promptly ate it.

Promptly afterwards, he turned into a rabbit. A six foot blue rabbit with a bald patch. "You know, that wasn't as tasty as I thought it would be," he commented, grabbing at one of his oversized ears.

"Of course it isn't," Eris said in exasperation, "it's a peach."

"What should we do with him now?" Grim asked. "Although, perhaps we should take him home and let his mom see him now...."

Mandy shook her head. "He'll eat too much like that. Can't you change him into something less obnoxious?"

"I LIKE PIE," Billy declared. "I THOUGHT I'D REMIND YOU IN CASE YOU FORGOT."

"You're right, he is obnoxious like that," Eris winced. "Not that he isn't normally. Oh, I have an idea!" She clapped her hands together, then pointed at Billy. From inside the rabbit's belly, the glowing shape of a peach became visible, and then Billy, who had started as a crab and was next a rabbit, was now a kitten.

"Now that's handy," Grim noted. "Think you can change him back?"

"That's too non-chaotic for my little apple, I'm afraid," she said. "But there are lots of other chaotic things we could try if you don't like kittens."

"Please do," Mandy requested, "he's a hideous kitten." She wasn't kidding. Billy the kitten's nose was still humongous, and he was now drooling on the carpet.

"Hm," Eris hmm'd with a frown, then waved a hand again. Billy was now a giant robot. "Handy for crushing your enemies, right?"

"Handy for crushing your desk," Grim pointed out.

"Oh, drat, I forgot about that," Eris said, making a face. "Oh well, I was planning on having it replaced soon, anyway."

"01001001 01001100010010010100101101000101 00110011001011100011000100110100," Billy the robot declared cheerfully.

Eris considered again, and now Billy was a pony. "How about this?"

"Ugh," Mandy made a face, "now he smells even worse than before. Can't you think of anything better?"

"Well, I thought it was cute," Eris said with a shrug. "How about a sea slug?"

Zap. Billy was now a sea slug.

Grim shook his head. "Too difficult to transport around."

Billy made some blubbing sounds. "You could make him a toad," Grim suggested. "Toads are classic."

"See, Grim, this is why you have no taste," Eris said with a shake of her head. "I suppose next you were going to suggest a rat?"

"...they're classic!"

"What about a very small rock?"

Now Billy was a very small rock, red in color. "We'd probably end up stubbing our toes on him," Grim pointed out.

"How about an ass?" And now Billy was a donkey.

Mandy shook her head. "It would never make it past the censors."

"Ha! Take that!" the author yelled in the general direction of Williams Street.

"Well, we'll just make him a unicorn," Eris suggested. "We'll put a horn on him."

"You can't make a unicorn out of an ass by putting a horn on him," Grim protested. "Everyone knows that's an assicorn."

"Hee-haw," Billy declared, which was most likely another iteration on his continual fondness for certain fruit-filled and baked desserts.

"Psh, just watch," Eris said, waving her hand. A trumpet appeared on Billy's head. It was followed by an obligatory rimshot and laugh track in the background.

"That's not a unicorn," Grim complained. "Now he's just a bad jazz player."

Mandy gave him a look. "You're not funny."