I am reaching out to whoever is on this terrible planet.

You are all doomed.

I am a researcher for the Hon Jopkins Hospital on the planet Googaber, in a star system that you may know as Vega or star 10r43289sdfne (something like that, I should look it up sometime).

It's really hot here, by the way. Our star is huge, and we are close to it. We have to live 10 miles underground at all times, and even then it feels like the roof of a pickup truck in a used car lot in the middle of the day in a country of yours called Haiti, at all times.

Needless to say, we are envious of your cool planet.

But back on topic, you are in grave danger. We have been conducting studies on several planets in your neck of the galaxy, and I in particular have been assigned your planet. I've been taking remote readings of your atmosphere and collecting slash watching the television signals that have been emitting like a foul stench from your planet, and, after putting this data into our Always Right!(TM) Supercomputers, I have found some startling news.

As I said before, you are doomed.

Not just you personally, but everyone. There is a pestilence on your planet. And that pestilence is a being called the 'human'. They have systematically wiped out just about everything on the planet with their simple and wasteful ways, using two paper towels when half of a single one would suffice, packaging every single edible morsel in a hard to dispose of material known as plastic in the name of sanitation, living much further away from family, friends, and work then they should, forcing them to use massive devices that devour the great air, mostly for convenience sake, so they can spend even more of their lives in front of computers and convincing people to buy more products wrapped in plastic.

Which by itself is terrible, but won't do any permanent damage to the planet, because they'll do themselves in long before it will affect anyone else. No, I'm not really talking about them, that was simply un unintentional aside. I'm actually talking about the rare beetle known as 'Yusef's Beetle', that has been diabolically good at keeping themselves from discovery from this human race, by using a cloaking device known as an 'Invisible Bugs for Super Survival Rag (TM)'. It is very effective.

These beetles emit an odor that, while indetectable, do terrible damage to the ecosystem over time. Since they are indetectable, they have been multiplying like ants, and so the level of odor has been rising in the planet steadily in the past 100 years, and it has started to reach a critical tipping point where it will destroy the planet as you know it.

The humans are starting to pick up on these effects. Animals are dying at record paces, the planet's atmosphere is decaying quickly, allowing deadly radiation in and cooking the world like a baked potato. The humans and some animals have so far been pretty resilient in adapting to these changes, but before too long it will destroy the planet. I give it another 5 years at best.

You may doubt my findings, and I understand that. Your own scientists are probably saying that it's worrying, but nothing that will mean imminent doom. They are incorrect. While I can't show you all the data right now, they are on file at the Office of Scientific Findings and you only need two forms of photo id to get it, and of course a quick interstellar trip to get here.

So I regret to inform you that you are all doomed, and should do the best you can to preserve your culture and way of life for those that come after you, since I know your kind doesn't have an easy way to get off this planet, since you don't have opposable thumbs. Which is a shame, because I'm sure we could have been great friends.

It has just occurred to me that you cannot take an interstellar trip here without the help of the humans, who you do not have any method of communicating with beyond knocking a ball into the air with your tail. That is unfortunate, but you have to trust me. Just the fact that I can communicate with you like this is enough to prove that we are much superior to you in science and technology, therefore we have to be more correct than you about our findings.