Review the novel info above you!

miniwhinny-- Interesting title, first of all. Not your typical fantasy fair either, so it stands out. (The picture I think was atmospheric, like mine lol)

The synopsis was also appropriately intriguing, and I'd like to know more about the world-building, and particularly about Planters (so that I don't think about peanuts, for example...) .

The writing style in the excerpt is smooth and lucid overall (No mean feat when this was NaNo-ed) and the narrator is really funny. I appreciated that and it made her personality stronger. However, because this isn't the first excerpt I'm not sure yet about the rest of the story. Also I'm not sure how I should feel about her situation, she does seem reasonably annoyed at being kidnapped, but not distressed, which was very strange to think about. Did she know her kidnappers? Was she warned or prepared in some way?
Anyway, it was entertaining and engaging overall and I hope to read more.

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
Sarah Williams

"All that's left are our own imaginings"
Kezia Spears

miniwhinny2:

Synopsis: The synopsis was interesting. It would've been nicer, however, to have gotten to know a little bit more about the world (is it on earth or a different world?) and about the characters, the rebels. It was intriguing, however, I think it just needs to be longer and a bit more explanatory.

Excerpt: It was very interesting. I was a bit confused at first, especially about whether or not the character speaking was a guy or a girl, and what exactly had happened since it just begins that she was in a room on a cot. As far as her personality goes, I found her amusing, but you repeated at least a coupe of times that she wanted to scream her head off at the man, which made her seem impatient (though I applaud her for not doing so) and you say that she can speak the language a couple of times. I loved the mother board ship - that was hilarious. I also found it interesting at the last line when he says "your sister's awake". I think that that throws the readers off, in a good way though! Surprises are a really good thing to have in stories, and that was definitely one. Maybe just add a bit more description, maybe more about the guy that was staring at her? It makes for more of a word count and helps us be able to picture things better ^^

Basically, as far as it goes, it's a very interesting idea, especially for a fantasy novel! Good job ^^

"Which cuts worse: the truth or the dagger?"
Dagger - Book Three, Claws and Fangs Series.
NaNoWriMo Book for ijerda 2008 - WINNER!

ijerda

First up. LOVE THE COVER ART. I think the black and white really suited the theme.

Synopsis: The start of your synopsis was a little confusing for me to read.. jsut the first paragraph here. Had to try and make a little more sense of a couple of sentences. I like the way you introduce Katy, and I get the feeling that she is a really developed character. I wanted to hear a little more on the sides of the other characters, but it is a brief synopsis and it is well-written. The part of Dagger was again a little confusing, and it feels like this third book has a lot more going on in it than the other two. That may just be the way you've written the synopsis as I can't really judge that without reading the actual books. lol. When talking about the second book, I think you could have said a little about this love she encountered in the first. Has she suffered the loss of that love or is he still around... just a minor comment and maybe something to be explored.

Excerpt. Very very well written imo. I like the use of dialogue to begin with there and I love the way a normal situation is tranlated into this more fantastical world. Too many fantasies have the element of the unreal all the way through and aren't well grounded. However, I think there might be a little too much dialogue here and not enough story. Again, just my opinion, but there was a little too much with the cereal. The use of the flashback was nice and really got me wanting to keep reading. The way you introduce your characters, even tho it is the third book, would suffice if it were the first. instantly, I want to know who these people are and what connection they have with Katy. After the news report (which was nicely realistic) I think Katy could have seemed a little more distressed. I got the feeling she was distressed, but it was faint and I'm only really guessing there. “Don’t ask me how I know, just get over here!” should really be split into two shorter sentences... The shortness would help the feeling and keep the sort of panicked pace. The repitition was brilliant here and helped build up that fast pace needed. When you said Zady spoke calmly, that contradicted the feeling given from the words. "absolutely" makes me think instantly of it being a little more stressful or forceful. Also, is Zady meant to sound as patronizing as she does? The "How do you know this" part made here seem like she was a much older person who was secretly smiling away, ready to laugh and generally talk about how "poor little Katy got all upset".
Will and Beatrice. I love them. The same and yet different. Almost opposite. Kudos, btw, on the male being the more stupidly annoying one. ^^ Again, there is a little too much dialogue and not enough story, but with a short excerpt like this, I am disinclined to say that should be changed. There is a lot of dialogue for such a short space of time, but it's out of context. It probably reads better in context. I like the way Beatrice's way of speaking almsot contradicts itself. She is instantly put down as the evil mastermind and well fits the role. William seems to be more of a sidekick dragged into it. Can I ask, does Beatrice not like the stereotype of the vampyre? She certainly sounds like she doesn't.

Overall, I would say very well done and really enjoyable. Any chance i could read more?? (jk) Keep up the good work. just watch the dialogue. The amount of dialogue and where the dialogue contradicts the action/character.

Must say, what I read reads like watching a film. Flows well and has a good sense of suspense. ^^

NaNoWriMo 2008

Highest Daily Word Count - 33,582
Current Word Count - 33,582
Daily Goal - 16667
Number of Deaths so far - 3
Number of Words Behind Daily Target - -17,185

Hanxa:

Word Count: Alright, technically not part of your novel but I feel compelled to say this. Nine is my favourite number. Now, I’m not quite sure how we, as a species, can determine something like a favourite number, but nine is mine, and I’m extremely envious (in a good way). The moment my screen went over to your profile, I just smiled.

Synopsis: Wow. Which one would you like me to review? That’s quite an enormous undertaken you had this November. The Night of The Wrimos sounds like lots of fun. The synopsis section is a bit cluttered and haphazard, so I’m a bit... confused, but I take it that you’ll be inserting real-life Wrimos or their characters in your novel. It’s an interesting approach. I’m actually tempted to shoot you a comment and ask to be in the novel, but I don’t want to overload the poor thing XD Because, you know, on the inside, we’re all just screeching, clawing, overly-creative monstrosities howling at the moon (or, in my case, the artificial light from my computer monitor :D).

Excerpt: Very similar to the synopsis. I feel the prologue is missing something... Regretfully, I can’t quite place my finger on it. I think the prologue’s final sentence is great, but it’s as though it’s missing a sentence or two between “destroying the world” and “On the full moon,” if that makes any sense at all. I like how you acknowledged the countries outside of America (but then, we should know how it’s like to have trouble finding other Wrimos)... Mm, all around, I think it’s very good and makes for a humorous premise. There’s just this feeling—and it’s bothering me to no end that I can’t point it out—that something’s missing, but as long as I don’t know what it is, there’s no reason to fret over it, yourself. It could just be the lack of sleep. And all the howling.

thanks hunnie ^^ and go for it, still got room... gonna end up with daily installments i think. lol

and i'll look into it.. see what other people think... find out what it is it's missing ^^ if you have any ideas, please let me know ^^

NaNoWriMo 2008

Highest Daily Word Count - 33,582
Current Word Count - 33,582
Daily Goal - 16667
Number of Deaths so far - 3
Number of Words Behind Daily Target - -17,185

BaKa-NEKO:

Synopsis: Love this concept. You've got a good, strong plot here, and I like the ideas you've got here... I love it when people question their own sanity. ^^ One thing I must ask is, why did he leave the house, exactly. I've read about hikkikomori, and I don't see one deciding to up and leave the house simply to go to college, but maybe that's just me.

Excerpt: I must say, I really liked the opening paragraph. You had a nice setup here... If I hadn't read the synopsis or the author's note, I would have thought it was an Inuyasha fanfiction. I like how you trailed off at the end, too... it made me think of the characters staring up at the narrator in confusion at the sudden halt of the story. xD Iyasei seems like a rather humorous main character too... though he had no dialogue, his actions amused me... especially the whole glaring at the loading bar thing. ^^

--------
Script Frenzy 2007: Dream Mystery: PHAIL....
Script Frenzy 2008: The Elemental Priestesses: The Ties That Bind: teh win!! 100 pages!!
NaNoWriMo 2008: Nocturne Twilight: failed, but not miserably.
http://writer-of-the-century.blogspot.com

andrea-tiefling:
HAH! you got skipped!

But seriously, on to the review.

I don't usually read fantasy, so some of the stuff put me off, but I'm not going to go into it, because it's teh things about fantasy I don't like, the reasobns why others like them.

I really enjoyed your opening scene--it hooked me in almost immediately, trying to figure out what teh hell was going on. It was very exciting, adn I empathized with teh character losing his fingers. that was cool.

I feel like you should tell me a little more about teh setting right after makarios falls asleep.

One issue I had was with the names. There are a lot of -os and -us names, it could easily lead to confusion. Another reason I awnted to know more about the setting was because I thought the names adn the gladii could have made it ancient rome.

One last note, the main character is likeable, but until about halfway trhough the excerpt, I couldn't tell for sure if he was a boy or a girl. I read your blurb above it, but I thopught that may have been a typo. If one of the other characters could call him 'pretty boy' at least once, or something insteead of 'little pretty one' all the time. I know its characterization, but it made me think he was a girl.

overall, it looks like a really good start.

http://malblogia.blogspot.com

neo-courtney;

Plot:
Like the concept - an interesting idea but it could do with a bit more detail - perhaps something more about what she's fighting other than her history?

Excerpt:
A nice excerpt (the few mistakes are obviously due to the chaos of nano writing) which is pretty dramatic and very interesting. I would say - as a critisism that the dialogue seems off somehow - perhaps because I find that people talking to themselves doesn't really work in fiction. If you don't want her to think it, it's better that she has someone in the scene to talk to.
The descriptionw as good, and I could see it all happening in my head. I especially liked the dialogue betwee her and the cops at the end.

http://community.livejournal.com/characteraday/

Emmylou;

Plot:
Very interesting. I love stories where things are all connected, so this sounds like a very intriguing premise. It's catching, but not gripping. A little more detail on the place and setting of the novel, perhaps? What are the circumstances that our authors are writing in? A date is fine, but what about the atmosphere?

Excerpt:
It's nice. Perhaps more distinction between the journal entries and the third person perspective? I noticed at least one typo, and you might want to use italics instead of capitalizing certain words; it's easier to read that way. But all in all, a good story, and I'd keep reading if there was more; it sounds very interesting! :)

Spareoom.net

I love the cover art!

The summary was interesting and made me curious how Erica will fair. I admit it's not the type of book I would normally read but if I saw it in a bookstore I might give it a shot out of curiosity. The second paragraph beat around the bush a tad too much.

The excerpt was fun. I presume this is the beginning of the novel? There's a lot of exposition going on which made it a little bit dense but not impenetrably so. It did make me want to keep reading and see how things play out.

Cheers.

Gymfan15,

Title: Seems perfect!

Synopsis: Sounds like something that would appeal to teenage girls, which can be a hard market to tap without a hot boy! I like the first paragraph. The main character sounds like someone to whom most teenagers could relate,as opposed to the older sister (skipping ahead a bit), who is more the stereotypical teen athlete. Erica sounds real. I would re-write the second paragraph, though. It's a personal preference thing, but the whole "Has one thing... a brother? Ok, has one more thing" bit makes it sound slightly unplanned.

Excerpt: Not having a sister myself, I can't say for sure, but the dynamics sound plausible. Nice introduction, and the alarm clock bit can grab everyone. You plunge right in and give us a little character at a time, which is also good - not overwhelming. I enjoy it, but I wonder if some of it is a little stilted for a young adult audience? I wouldn't have minded it, and would probably pick it up and read it if my daughter left it sitting around.

[URL=http://www.mybannermaker.com/link.php?nurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mybannermaker.com][IMG]http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/1712/mybanner4935b810c1f61vp5.png[/IMG][/URL]

Title: Can't really judge it as I don't know how it ties in yet.

Plot: I like the idea but it comes cross as a little vague - there's no hint of who the main character is, what she wants, or what the big drama is.

Excerpt: This I thought was brilliant and very professionally written. I especially liked the opening line which grabbed the imagination and the following writing was snappy and clever. It felt like I was in safe hands when reading it, instead of reading around errors. I would definately like to read more.

Mine's in my profile as before.

http://community.livejournal.com/characteraday/

Emmylou,

Title: Nice but makes the novel sound more military based than the excerpt suggests. I like it but I'm not sure I would pick up a novel based solely on this title, I don't care for war novels.

Summary: Really concise, I am immediately intrigued by your novel as a whole so I think it does its job. The short descriptions of each of your characters was a really nice direction.

Excerpt: Seems very fast-paced, but perhaps a little disjointed. Little to no setting description or blocking. If you are able to hold this sort of energy throughout the novel it could be very tense and engrossing, which is what I get the impression you were going for, which I felt this excerpt succeeded in having.

Overall: Good work! Even if it is a little outside of my genre, I would probably read at least the first few pages based on what you've provided.

Murder of Raven....

TITLE: Ex Nihilo is interesting title. To have a Latin title is cool. "Out of nothing", I presume is a direct reference to creationism or God creating the universe, the search for deep philosophical answers.

SUMMARY: Not everyone will understand completely what this novel is about by reading the summary. As with the title though, it sounds very philosophical, and of someone asking probing questions about the meaning of life.

EXCERPT: Easy to read, and I like the story already. Good blend of short and long sentences, dialogue and exposition.

OVERALL: Excellent! If the rest of the novel is of the same quality as the excerpt, I would love to read this book. It's something I would edit or buy, for sure.

Gyfman15:

These characters seem like you have a good idea about who they are, but at the moment the "show" part is at odds withe the "tell" part. We see Erica being cranky and wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, but then she is described as spunky, impulsive and always cheerful. I don't suppose those are necessarily at odds. Maybe leave out the bits pertaining to their personality traits in the descriptions-- let their characters unfold as the story goes along.

Otherwise, the writing has a nice flow, and a good cadence as we follow them around their morning routines. The dialogue comes across naturally, too. Best of luck!

~liz

Diabeditor:

(Sorry I did the wrong person's novel the first time)

COVER: As a graphic designer and avid reader, I'd have to say keep the cover for this as abstract as possible! Don't give away anything on the cover. A purely typographic solution (with style, a hint of dry humor) could work really well for this.

SYNOPSIS: Great- tells you enough to get you intrigued without giving away the punchline. (A lot of the synopses I've seen are just way too long. It's basically an advert for the book, so you have only a few seconds to snare your potential reader!)

EXCERPT: The premise is hilarious, and the descriptions are vivid, without getting precious or floral. Nice, dry writing for an absurd idea, which is a great combination (like the wife timidly asking whether he wants to break for lunch- !). Also love the KC & the Sunshine reference.

~liz

Electrofork -
First of all ; Great title!! xP
I really liked your excerpt, and I'm seriously interested in reading more! Your characters are believable and your writing style is really unique and enjoyable to read. I have a short attention span; but that kept me wanting to read more.
I'm not great at this sort of thing; but I really liked it!
Here, have a smiley face on the house. =]
xD

2008 - Drystan - 58k

Electrofork

TITLE: It's fitting, especially for your book. I like long-ish sorta names for kids books, and I think you came up with a good one!

SYNOPSIS: Well, it sounds like something I'd want to read, but it seems to me that you aren't wordy enough. Maybe a few more details. And I also think you should tell a little more about Lil, and also name her best friend, if they take that great of a part. You, in addition, might want to tell what the strange object is, too.

EXCERPT: Like I said before, not exactly wordy enough (at least for me.) Mayve a few more descriptions, etc. I personally don't prefer books that are made up entirrely of conversation, but I'm guessing your entire book isn't like that - righ? It seemed pretty good, except for the last sentence, which seemed a bit bland.

Overall, good work!

-------
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished;
persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.C., CHIEF OF ORDINANCE

Lady L...
I liked this... the mix of the future world and the familiar setting of slavery in the past. It's a nice concept; A similar one to the author Malorie Blackman in her Noughts and Crosses trilogy...but only at first glance at the summary. As you read on it because only the primary precept of race reversal that gives it a familiar feeling. Very nice, I'd like to read more.

I enjoy your prose and descriptions. You really get the reader into the story, almost as if they are sitting there next to the characters. Your narrative is amazing and the dialogue is so human. Wonderful!

eellewzeeya...
From the summary I was expecting..I'm not sure, not to have any kind of empathy with these assassins. But it is clear, when these characters are better known to the reader, and I'm assuming the comment in the summary about getting to know their secrets means they will, this is a better option than the detached organisation I anticipated from the summary. I would definitly pick this up in a book shop! Great work!

Eellewzeeya, that sounds very interesting.
The summary confused me, and I'm not entirely sure what it is about, but what I read was good.
I want to know more about the Kindred. Who are they? Who are they assassins for? How did this come about?
All in all, I'm intrigued.
"Mary Caldwell is exposed to the group after her family is murdered in front of her and she fought back."
That is the tiniest bit awkward. But I'm not sure how I'd reword it, so I guess it's fine.
Your excerpt was good. It was at a part with high-suspense and made me want to read up to that part to find out what happened.
"Mary glanced around the room at her newly adopted family, the Kindred, and felt her stomach turn. "
That part of the excerpt seemed a little awkward. It seemed that if the reader should already know that her newly adopted family was the Kindred, and it kind of jolted me out of the flow of the writing. The person reading the excerpt might not know, but the reader surely would.
I really like the cover art and the title.
I can't help but wonder why Noon is significant.
And the pinned postcard with the bloody knife was very dramatic.
The entire assassins concept seems daring and dangerous. It sounds... almost sexy.
I kind of want to read it now.

Edit: Oops, I wasn't fast enough.
I guess I'll review yours too, Aithinne.

The summary caught me right away.
If that were in a book store I would definitely have picked it up.
Nathan sounds like a very interesting character. He sounds normal, but quirky.
Just... the entire thing was great! The whole perfection idea is so interesting. And the bit of mystery and romance in there made it seem even more exciting.

The excerpt was really well written.
I like Nathan already. :)
And I feel sorry for him about the entire Joel thing.
I liked how you captured teenage life too. It's realistic and well done without being too over-dark.
And Joel's hate of Kate is adorable.

Sorry, electrofork and XxPureChaosxX. Wrong person. Anyways, XxPureChaosxX:

COVER: Well, I like the background and caslte, but there are few things you could improve. The text and font look a little messed up, not exactly interestinng, and off-center a bit. Meanwhile, your people are a little bit transparent.. too much for my liking.

SYNOPSIS: Pretty good, there's only one major fault - who's Cyrus? It sounds like something I'd read!

EXCERPT: Wow. You're a good writer. I don't know what to say. Wow. Your details are good, and I like everything else. Good job!

-------
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished;
persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.C., CHIEF OF ORDINANCE

Grrr. people post too fast. I give up.

-------
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished;
persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.C., CHIEF OF ORDINANCE

Aithinne... since you were skipped somewhere down the line, and people are posting too fast for me to keep up anyway...

Summary: I'm intrigued.

Excerpt: The first one was difficult to read in places. It seemed just like a long stream of consciousness, rather than a description of what happened on this mundane day in June. I had to read parts of it a few times to distinguish between the different scenes of action. I can understand why Nathan hates Kate, though.

I'm confused as to where your second excerpt goes, since Nathan and Joel were introduced in the last excerpt. Also, pretty sure you meant 'our', not 'are' in the title of it. It does flow better than the other excerpt, though it seems strange to me that they just randomly stopped talking to each other. Maybe that's just me, though.

BlackOpal:

Title: Interesting.

Synopsis: Ooo... you're doing mythology. I like. Looks like you have a very interesting play between the gods and mortals going on, with this Fate caught in the middle. It sounds like an interesting story.

Excerpt: Short, quick and dirty. I find it faintly amusing that this girl is going to explore the mind of a teenage boy. Interesting description of the way she explores his mind, though. She walks and is inundated with emotions, with no images to accompany them. I imagine it would be interesting to see you bring them all together.

And Lady L, I'll do yours as well, just for fun :)

Title: Intriguing. Nice Pun :)

Synopsis: Very interesting twist on things. I like the paragraph that introduces it.

Excerpt: Your first excerpt certainly sets up the world your MC is living in. The harsh and cruel leaders in the world, and a certain rebellious nature in your MC.

Your second excerpt is rather intriguing. I assume this is for the second part of your novel, and it makes me eager to know everything that happened in between. There is the introduction of another character here as well, that makes me wonder who this girl would try to save from a fire. Good job.

Chelle-Lynn:

Title - Simple, but I like it. The unusual character name makes it interesting. It sounds like a book about self-discovery with a bit of exotic adventure.

Synopsis - It looks like a good coming-of-age story. However, I'd like to know more about the time and place in which the story is set. Is it the real world, or a fantasy one?

Excerpt - Well-written! Isme comes across as wise without being too condescending. I liked the second paragraph a lot; you set the scene and gave us a telling introduction to Meira. In a few spots the dialog seems a bit wordy and I think it could move faster, but overall I thought it was good and I'm curious about where Meira's journey will take her. It seems like a story that would appeal to thoughtful younger readers.

Lilyy03:

Title: nicely intriguing! I'm left wondering if it's a deliberate allusion to Sleeping Beauty, and wondering also if the mercy that is sleeping is a concept or a person... I'd pick it up, I think.

Cover: that's one of the most beautiful I have seen! Gorgeous.

Synopsis: again, intriguing, Mundane Max plus fairyland sounds like an interesting combination.

Exxcerpt: my first impression is that some of the language is maybe a little offputtingly flowery, but then, it's a little hard to tell out of context, and I wonder if that is a deliberate contrast from the fairy world to the "real" (for want of a better word!) world? I think that sometimes simpler is best, for instance Max "commenced" his search for the jewelry box, I do think that maybe saying he "began to search" would be cleaner and more elegant; this is the kind of thing you will clean up in editing though unless of course it is a particular tone you're aiming for!

Max's search for the jewelry box is interesting, one can't help wondering what he is looking for and why. I like how he is slightly disorientated to find himself in the apartment even though that is where he wanted to be! And the idea of him having his own personal "B.C." I think works really well. His sadness at overhearing himself talked about in a not too complimentary manner, his escape back to a world which is hardly more congenial... it all gives a good flavour of what seems to be a potentially absorbing story.

In general... I like it :-) I hope this is helpful...

~ Auntie Doris Akela Morag Flootach Zovut Araneliën Guru FYAP~

♪♫ ~ Honorary Cat Status ~ ♪♫

я обиделась

~ שלום ~ ღ ~ سلام ~

Title: Hmm, while the excerpt doesn't quite give me a sense of where the title fits in, the fact that you start off with a water based extended metaphor makes it less jarring. Fits much better than your original one XD

Synopsis: Not much to say here, it wasn't very hooking but then again, the genre doesn't appeal to me so I might be biased.

Excerpt: I despise chick lit, but in spite of that I must say that it was far from a bad read sarah-flute. The dialogue wasn't stilted or awkward, and the PoV gave a nice, uncluttered view from inside the FMC's head. A few grammar slips but since I can't remember what they were, nothing stood out to detract from the piece. To steal a compliment someone said that I think applies here as well is : It's professionally written. Good job.

In your dreams....anything is possible.

It's not the genre I usually read, but it was great. I LOVE you title and cover, they were really cool and something I would pick up in a book store. The only thing is that the novel summery is a little hard to understand unless you read it more then once or you're over 17. : ) Other then that it sounds like something a lot of people would enjoy, whether it's their norm or not. It has really good writing and the idea is fantastic!!! You're a good writer!

The End are the most sad and happy words known to man.