Excerpt: Extraneous Characters

Derek Weiss, Esquire, was struggling to decide what to eat for lunch when his phone rang.

“How are you, Vice?” said the caller, referring to Derek’s childhood nickname, a play on how his late German grandmother always said the name.

“Alex. Long time no hear.”

“Yeah, I guess we haven’t spoken in a while,” Alex said. “I’m sorry about that. I’ve been busy.”

“I bet you have,” Derek said.

“Listen, I’m calling because, well, you said to call you if I was ever about to do something really stupid.”

Derek groaned. He’d known Alex most of his life; they’d grown up together on the same block in Bensonhurst. He’d worshipped Alex as a kid and would have followed him to the ends of the Earth—and would have when Alex joined the army, had it not been for Derek’s terrible eyesight. So instead, he’d stayed home and gone to law school while Alex was off fighting for truth, justice, and the American way. If only he’d had better vision, Derek thought to himself often. Maybe none of this would have happened. He could have kept Alex away from Tony Giambino.

“Define ‘really stupid,’” Derek said now.

“I’m taking one last job before I retire to Fiji,” Alex said. “It’s a risky one.”

“And by ‘risky’ you mean ‘stupid.’”

“I have to take this job, Vice.”

Derek sighed. “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me anything about it.”

Alex hesitated. “You know I can’t, especially not over the phone. Suffice it to say it’s my usual employment agency that gave me this assignment.”

“Okay. You have a plan for not getting yourself killed or arrested?”

“Yes.” Alex coughed. “This is a slow and steady job. The client is currently in DC, but I think odds are good that he’ll be showing up in New York soon. I plan to bide my time until then. I’d rather do this on my home turf.”

Because Derek had known Alex for a long time, as both his friend and his lawyer, he easily read between the lines. “I really hope you’re not telling me what I think you are.”

“I’m telling you whatever you want to believe I’m telling you.”

“Does the reason the new client might come to New York have anything to do with the business last week with the accountant.”

“Maybe.”

Derek felt the headache blooming. He would do anything for Alex, but Alex sure had a way of testing what “anything” meant. “There’s no way to turn this one down?”

“No. In fact, taking this job is probably what keeps me from getting killed or arrested.”

Even if that weren’t true, Alex believed it was, so there’d be no dissuading him now. “All right. You need someone to talk strategy with?”

“No, I’d prefer as few people know about this as possible. I’m only calling you to give you the heads up.”

“So I’m less surprised should I get a call from you at a precinct.”

“Something like that. But I’m not getting arrested.”

“I’d rather get that call then the one telling me they found you at the bottom of the East River.”

“Yeah, well. Ideally, you will get neither call.”

Derek gave Alex a long-suffering sigh in response. “Just be careful.”

“Always.”