Because I've already written it and I'm so excited to share, I want to post my first kiss. I'd like feedback, please!
Also anyone else who wants feedback on their first kiss please post here!
“I can’t explain it. I just felt restless and strange, so I thought if I swam really hard I wouldn’t feel that way anymore.”
He looked over at her, but she had her eyes closed. He closed his eyes, too. Right now he felt as if the world had disappeared, leaving just the two of them abandoned on a beach. It felt wonderful. “That’s odd,” he responded, although he often felt restless and strange around Carmen. He knew from where his feeling stemmed. He did not understand hers. “Did the race help?”
She shifted beside him. “I thought it had, but I still feel that way. I feel like I have to do something about it or I’ll go mad.”
“Hmm,” he mumbled, feeling relaxed beneath the sunshine. Maybe he could fall asleep. At least then he wouldn’t have to forcibly prevent himself from sitting up and gawking at his best friend’s breasts.
Her voice, when she spoke, came inches from his face. “I think I want to kiss you.”
Suddenly she was leaning over him, her lips pressed to his. Her mouth felt soft and warm. She kept her lips closed, but still they felt supple. The heat of her mouth on his made him dizzy. He wanted to touch her but he feared to move. Instead he let her press her mouth more firmly to his.
His erection, still only half subsided, sprang to full with her sweet kiss. With it came the tide of feelings that he had suppressed for the past several months. Unable to stop himself, he reached up and wrapped an arm around her.
At first she resisted and tried to pull back, but he held her firm. Then her mouth pressed against his again and his mind soared. He could think of nothing at this moment but the wonderful feel of her with him. He had wanted this for so long and now it was real. All his dreams and fantasies had not prepared him for reality.
She shifted and brushed her breasts against his chest. Frozen, she held her lips to his but no longer pursued the kiss. He saw his opportunity.
Fighting the urge to rush, he softly parted his lips. He had watched Tommy Hastings kiss Mary Feinkirk after school last week, and Tommy had kissed her this way. Mary and Tommy had been going together since before Christmas and they had kissed on many occasions. When James had seen them kiss he had studied them, fascinated. Now that interest was coming in handy.
As his parted lips touched her, she started. He expected her to move away, but Carmen had always surprised him. In a mimicry of his movement, she parted her own lips. When he rejoined their mouths he could feel the soft, moist inner lining of her lips. It felt so good he thought he might explode. He wanted to. God, he wanted to.
The part of him still left with rational thought warned him to go slowly. This was Carmen, for God’s sake, his best friend and the girl he had lusted after for a long time. Finally, she was kissing him and he’d best not spoil it. Moving cautiously, he repositioned his head so their mouths fitted together more tightly.
Heaven. He felt her mouth all the way through his body. He smelled her skin and tasted her mouth. Every sense was involved in this kiss. Even his eyes stayed open for fear she would disappear if he closed them.
Carmen’s eyes stayed closed. Yet despite that, he could sense her caution and curiosity. He knew her so well.
Breathless, their lips parted, only to find each other again. Slowly, he tightened his arm so her body descended onto his. Each inch of her skin touching his, even through the layers of their clothes, felt like fire. Wonderful, tingling fire. When her hips settled against his, they froze.
His raging erection lay between them. Carmen’s eyes had opened and their dark depths fixed on him. He could sense her uncertainty. It was so against her nature to be uncertain, he wanted to laugh. Yet he could find nothing funny about the situation. If he moved, she might run. She might run anyway, knowing how much he wanted her. He should probably feel ashamed, but somehow, her hips against his felt right. He just hoped she felt it, too.
“Do you feel it too?” she whispered, her breath fanning his lips. “Do you feel that hot, wriggling sensation deep inside you?”
He hoped he understood her right. He prayed as hard as he had ever prayed that she meant she wanted him, too. “Yes. Oh, yes,” he replied.
“It’s strange. I thought kissing you would make it go away. But it’s made it worse.” She was still whispering. He liked it. It felt intimate and special. As if she only had a voice so he could hear her words.
“Kissing you feels very good to me,” he responded. “I’d like to do it some more.”
Perhaps for the first time in her life, Carmen looked shy. It lasted only a moment, but it touched him. Then it was gone, and Curious Carmen emerged. “Yes.”
He needed no further encouragement. Moving his head he fitted their mouths together. This time they found each other more easily. It felt good and right. He wanted to shout his triumph to the world. He had kissed Carmen Olero and it was good!
They learned to move their mouths against each other to increase the pleasure. They discovered that soft lips with firm pressure felt best. With each kiss, his desire grew until it felt almost painful. Yet he did not stop the kissing. He would go through greater pain than this for the joy of Carmen’s lips. Carmen’s breasts. Carmen’s thighs.
He learned that if he adjusted her position he could get her skirt to lie taut against her legs. Studying her thighs, he discovered that they were as slim and firm as he imagined. They led to a derriere that was round and twitched a bit when she moved. He loved watching her.
After an especially steamy kiss that had nearly robbed James of his sanity, Carmen lifted her head. “We should go home soon,” she gently reminded him.
James looked about, surprised to see the sun lowering in the horizon. As he returned to himself, he realized their clothing had mostly dried and only the roots of Carmen’s hair remained damp. He reached up and touched an errant curl. He smiled.
They stood without speaking further, and, hand in hand, walking back towards the city. James watched as the setting sun streaked the sky with pinks and purples. The priest had it wrong. Heaven wasn’t colored in white and gold. It was the brilliant hues of sunset.
----------
"Why must it be a well of passion? A well is so small. What about a fjord of passion? Now that's a lot of passion."
31,850 / 50,000
Nov 2, 2008 - 07 57
That kissing scene was amazing.
I have yet to write mine, since it is a long ways a way.
but my FMC has her first kiss with a guy named Grant who proposes to her.
She doesn't like Grant to that extent though, so when he kisses her, she is in shock,
and is blushing madly because it was her first and well he just proposed to her.
Her second kiss is with who she is really in love with. (how sweet right?)
Both have liked each other, just hid their emotions under whatever came up first.
This kiss would be the most passionate.
Though when I type them up. Trust me, they will be up here.
Congrats on finishing that scene though.
56,683 / 50,000
Nov 4, 2008 - 21 13
wow!!!!!!!!!!
AMAZING SCENE!
My character's ifrst kiss is also not with the guy she will end up with. It is with the guy that she "should " like. I always have liked guys I shouldn't. Guys who have a wild streak and can be bad at times. Sigh I really need to change that.
Anyway my character, likewise will end up with the guy that I would choose, the one who she shouldn't like and that her friends wonder why she chose him over such a nice guy.
Most of my kissing scenes have been written, but I do not want to post them here yet.
26,089 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2008 - 07 22
Wow, I felt like I was in that scene, which is what we all strive for with our writing, right? Amazing! I haven't gotten to my first kissing scene yet in this story, but thanks to you, I'm anxious to write it! Very nice! *APPLAUSE* WOO HOO!
0 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2008 - 18 41
I'm kinda embarrased about mine but here it goes:
Peri didn't love anybody, ever since the accident. Never trusted anybody since the surgery. So, what was it now that got him coming back to this spot each night. The same spot where he knew Icky would appear. Scorpio told him that it was stupid, and to not care but he did anyway. Maybe he was a sucker.
"Please icky, don't do this to yourself. If you go back...they'll hurt you", peri pleaded with his freind. Icky smiled, that smile saved just for Peri's eyes. Even the side that was permanently stiff seemed to smile at Peri. But, this time the smile was dead. Icky, reached up and snuggled into Peri's chest. Cliging as if the last time. "No! Icky please don't do this!", Peri tried to yell his heart was breaking as was his voice.
"Don't! Please I love you!", he cried. With that he looked down in defeat, his secret was out. He would be spit at and made fun of and ostracized for the way he was, again. But, as he cried in defeat lips met his own. The smell of cinnamon brutally invaded his very being. The stiff side of Icky's face went still, but was now warm with passion. Peri's height loomed over Icky's small stature, in an almost whimsical way.
Peri, wanted to pull away. He knew it was wrong, but his body needed this attention. No one had ever paid attention to him before and this was all he had wanted. But, when Icky finally did pull away, reality resettled and Peri was stolen from his fantasy world of love and devotion.
50,046 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2008 - 22 03
WOW!!!!! I've only just decided to incorporate some romance in my NaNo, and this was the first post I stumbled across. Very well described, it made me want to drive to my boyfriend and kiss him all night! The scene was fantastic, and the detail was well done - not overdone, but just the right amount of description that pulls you right into the scene. Very impressed!
53,996 / 50,000
Nov 7, 2008 - 04 55
You've written this so well! Absolutely wonderful scene. Very real. And the characters are living breathing creatures too.
Well done!
50,221 / 50,000
Nov 8, 2008 - 07 41
I haven't actually written the first kiss scene yet, but I had to post. Both of those scenes are excellent! Well done to both of you. I can't wait to see what everyone else comes up with, too.
I have a vague idea of when the first kiss will show up in my manuscript but there's a lot of angry you're-ruining-everything stuff to get through where my two mains battle each other. This, I hope, will make the kiss scene a bit more intense.
I hope.
50,023 / 50,000
Nov 8, 2008 - 17 15
Hey, it's my first time doing NaNo, but I've written before, and I'd like to post two of my favorite characters' first kiss here. Mind you, this is from a different novel than the one I'm working on for NaNo, and it's a fantasy/romance. The girl's name is Kirin, and she's half-elf, half-dragon, so she has wings. the guy's name is Caspian.
“Wait.” Caspian caught her wrist, using that to turn her around so that she was facing him, just like he had so long ago at the Academy. Gently, slowly, he drew her towards himself.
“I need to tell you something,” he whispered.
They were very close now, their blood pounding in their ears, when Caspian suddenly kissed her. Instead of pushing away (or hitting him), she responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and seemingly melting into his arms and mouth. Kirin’s sensitive fingertips caressed the back of his neck, sifting through his tangled hair and fueling the fire burning inside him. She molded herself to the contours of his body.
He, too, wrapped his arms around her thin body, one at her waist, and the other around her shoulder and buried in her hair, tilting his head to kiss her deeper. Surely this was all the world was for! Intense feelings of compassion and tender affection washed over them. So this was love! Passion and excitement coursed like electricity throughout his entire body. The feel of her lips moving with his caused his heart to quicken; the sensation of her slim, soft body pressed against his made breathing seem more difficult then it ever should have been. Faintly, he wondered if he was even allowed to hold her like this. Surely there must be some sort of law that went against it, something that would kill this newfound joy.
Her hand moved to his face, memorizing every detail.
Caspian reached out slowly to touch one of her wings, knowing that it was forbidden yet unable to restrain himself. She responded fervently, wrapping the other around his body. He was surprised by way she could move each wing independently. While the right wing lay still in his hand, allowing him to touch it, the left was softly moving against him – brushing up against his cheek bone, then over his shoulder, down his spine, then up his side – always moving slowly and gently. He had never felt anything like this before. Neither had Kirin.
When they finally drew back, the rush of emotions left both of them feeling slightly overwhelmed, and yet at peace, giddy almost. It was like living in a dream, a kind of floating, hard-to-describe feeling.
Any feedback?
0 / 50,000
Nov 9, 2008 - 09 25
my god, that was amazing. i was having total déjà vu feelings all through it - it felt as real as though it had actually happened to me. fantastic.
50,012 / 50,000
Nov 9, 2008 - 10 39
Good work! It's a sweet kiss, and while I haven't read the rest of it I feel like this is a couple who has known each other a long time. I have just two things for you: 1) I would take out the information in the parentheses. Parentheses in novel-type writing just interrupt the flow. 2) The two sentences with exclamation points kind of tell rather than show. By your descriptions of the emotions and the tenderness of the kiss I already can tell they have strong feelings for each other. I'd suggest taking those out.
All told, I really liked the scene. It feels real, not too overdone or flowery. I especially like the mix of passion and tenderness. It fits with characters who are in love, not just hot for each other. Great job!
30,878 / 50,000
Nov 10, 2008 - 04 16
Those descriptions are great, really vivid. I'm writing adventure, but my MC has just decided that she needs to seduce the love interest (essential for plot development), so this is the kiss. They are in a cave, sheltering from a hurricane. She is a goddess/oracle, by the way and had it all planned as part of a larger plot arc. He is a warrior, grrr!
‘It’s morning,’ he pointed out. ‘If you want to escape from the city before Quiringa realises you’ve gone from the temple, then we should leave now and get as many miles under our belts as possible.’ He started towards the shelf.
Payaquil grabbed his wrist, stopping him from going any further.
‘This is the eye of the storm. If we leave now, we’ll be caught out in the worst of the weather. Anyway, that isn’t part of my plan.’ Asgeir turned to face her at her words. Silently, she pulled him towards her, fixing her eyes on his, and reaching out her hand to touch his scarred face with her fingertips.
He moved towards her, until she was pressed against his body, and seized her around her waist. Her gaze darted briefly to his mouth and back to the deep brown eyes, which burned in her memory as she closed her eyes and kissed him. He kissed her back hard and hungry. His hand slid up her back, sending a shiver of electricity down her spine, until he found the knot of her hair at the nape of her neck. Gently he pulled it loose, sending it uncoiling down her back. Pulling away from her slightly, he looked her over, drinking in the sight and smell of her. He could feel the longing he experienced earlier return, and spread through his body.
There is a bit more, but it goes a bit further, if you catch my drift. Do you think I need more description of the kiss?
31,850 / 50,000
Nov 10, 2008 - 14 24
I think this kiss is pretty good if I do say so myself.
the only thing that I think I would fix is try putting more of 'him' into the discription.
I mean near the end it gets better but when you start off, it's all about her.
Maybe she should try to seduce more?
Or is he naturally easy to get into his inner emotions.
50,395 / 50,000
Nov 11, 2008 - 17 20
Wow, that was amazing! I was siriously Carmen kissing James. Fantasic! *bows* *applaudes*
50,221 / 50,000
Nov 12, 2008 - 22 44
Holy Wowza!! Look at all you guys go! I just now got to the first kiss scene and have been just dying to post here when I did so ... little did I know that I would have all of these excellent scenes to read through first. Now I'm kinda shy to post mine ...
Oh, well. It's a rough draft. It's supposed to be kinda "iffy". I can make it better later. Anyway!! Here goes!
***
She was very close. Her nearness made his fingers itch with the need to touch her, a need that he willed himself to ignore. “Elsie Delgora is alive and I know it.”
“How?” She asked, but her eyes were distracted by his mouth.
He saw it and his body tautened at the mutual attraction he felt there. Leaning forward, slow and deliberate, he hovered his mouth over hers. “The Braziers told me so,” he whispered to her.
The breath she let go of was shaky, testifying to the tremble he saw vibrating through her body. Dorian smiled, remaining poised just as he was and touched her good shoulder, letting his fingers slide over the cotton of her sleeve. She made the decision, raising to her toes just enough to close the gap between them, her mouth meeting his with firm urgency.
He pulled her into him, catching her with both arms and taking the lead. Or at least he tried to. It was intoxicating, the way she kissed him. Unyielding, fighting to get closer, she linked her arms around his neck and he felt the entire press of her body against his. He could taste the power in her. Tangy and sweet, like summer strawberries, she was harboring more power than nearly any Talented he had ever met. It was in the glide of her tongue over his, passing into him as they shared a sudden desire.
And then his hand brushed against her left side and she pulled back with pain.
They stood leaning into each other, both reeling and unsteady for endless moments.
50,184 / 50,000
Nov 13, 2008 - 13 37
Very little to do with WriMo, though I guess it is from stuff I've added to the story I started last year (only made it to 12K but it's grown since...) but I couldn't resist posting it... not so much for comment as for "any old excuse to relive that" lol *blush*. I've taken names out as it's kind of fanfic (about a couple I wished would get together though there was NO chance of it lol) though I suspect some people may recognise the characters.
First bit is reaction after a dance routine they did and then the continuation later after they get interupted.
***
“Anyway, they were right about the storytelling,” he whispered in her ear, feeling suddenly reckless.
"They were?"
“Hell, yeah. You had me convinced.”
She laughed again. “So you’re saying I’d make a good hooker?” She looked up with a mischievous, coquettish smile and fluttered her eyelashes, running a hand down his velvet jacket.
He didn’t let her break away and looked straight into her eyes.
“Well I don’t know about that,” he said with a smile, and then, his expression suddenly more serious, he bent his head till their faces almost touched and breathed, “You certainly seduced me, though…”
He stopped, and just gazed at her, his breath a feathery touch on her face, her mouth, and she felt her heart pound.
“I… I…” she stammered, and felt her knees dissolve into jelly as with infinite slowness he leaned a fraction closer. Her eyes closed, and she melted against him, willing him to kiss her - then suddenly they heard voices and footsteps approaching. Her eyes sprang open as some of the runners appeared round the corner, the moment lost.
“Results show soon, people, green room in 10!” one called as they went past, not even stopping to register what he had interrupted, and she tried to smile in a grateful sort of way rather than fling curses after them for their timing.
“Anyway,” he said, drawing back a little, looking confused and embarrassed.
“Anyway…” she repeated, her voice still a little husky. “Um. I guess we should head back…”
“Right.” He reluctantly unwound her limbs from his and, grabbing her hand, let her lead him down to the green room.
***
She threw herself down on the sofa and beckoned him over. “Grab a seat if you can find one, or there is a sofa under all this rubbish!”
He gingerly settled beside her on top of some clothes which were still waiting to be ironed, and they sat in silence for a few minutes leaning comfortably on each other and sipping their drinks.
Feeling suddenly brave, she said “I can’t believe they thought we were snogging…”
He laughed. “Ahh, that’s the idea though, isn’t it? Storytelling, see? You seduced me…” He trailed off and looked at her sideways, a smile playing across his lips.
She turned her face away, a little embarrassed, but couldn’t stop herself asking. “How does the story end?”
There was a pause, and then she looked around, startled, as he rose from the couch; and then he was reaching for her hand.
“One way to find out,” he breathed, as he drew her close and then started softly singing the last lines of the song. Automatically she found herself dancing the routine, wrapping her leg around his waist and then allowing him to sweep her up till she was balanced on his thigh, held close, her arms around his neck. As it had every time they had danced the routine, the ending swept her into a dream and she made no move to let go as he held her, his cheek resting against hers, his breath tickling her neck. As they relaxed she slipped down to stand on the floor but still they held each other, and after what seemed like for ever she felt him bend to kiss her neck, sending shivers down her spine. He cradled her head in one hand, kissing her jaw and face, and caressed the small of her back with the other as he held her so, so close.
With gentle inevitability he reached her mouth and she sighed with intense pleasure and desire as he brushed his mouth against hers. Softly he deepened the kiss, his lips smooth and firm, gentle but insistent, teasing and tantalising her until she felt like she might melt, her whole body relaxing into his touch and his mouth, nothing existing save the aching sweetness of his hands, his lips, his teeth, his tongue.
After a few minutes, or possibly hours or even several million years, he finally broke away and, his face still so close she could feel his sigh, he looked down at her, his eyes dark with desire and his tempting lips curved in a smile.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed, “Look at you! You’re incredible… I’m…” he paused, and bent his head so that their foreheads touched. “God, I’m knackered,” he admitted with a rueful smile.
She stared at him for a moment, and then smiled, and then suddenly she was laughing and he was laughing, and they almost fell over trying to hold each other up. She pulled herself together just enough to say, “Come with me,” and grabbing his hand, she led him upstairs.
***
... Is it tragic to envy a character for a scene you wrote yourself??! *blush*
50,092 / 50,000
Nov 14, 2008 - 09 51
My book is a fantasy, but here is the first kiss. It's the first kiss in the NaNo, the first kiss between these 2 characters, and, for Kiroli, it is the first kiss of her life. Her life has been extremely sheltered, as you can see. She's 15 and he's 17.
Kiroli had built a cozy fire in anticipation of the success of Serefina's hunt, and Geode, his cat curled in his lap, sat watching the flames dance, and Kiroli watched him watch. She knew that he saw dreams in the flames, and sometimes she thought, as she watched the tiny flames flicker in his eyes, that she saw them, too, though she knew it was just the reflected fire in his dewy eyes. The water she had consumed from the dream pool had had no effect on her that she could tell, and Geode assured her that she would recognize it when it happened, but what "it" was, he did not say. She pressed close against him now and shivered, pretending to be cold, and he absently put an arm around her. His hand touched hers, and again she was puzzled at what she felt from him. It was not that he considered her a child, as she had earlier thought, it was that he considered her... of no interest. That was not quite the truth, though; she could feel that he was grateful for her attentions, happy that she listened to him, but.... something was not right. There was much in the world that she did not understand, and she comforted herself with the thought that love could take many days to grow.
She turned her face just slightly so that her nose pressed into his neck, and he did not seem to mind this. Maybe he was not even aware of it, preoccupied as he was. She could not get enough of the healthy and youthful smell of him, and she stroked her cold nose up and down the length of his neck, feeling assured that he would not notice, but her heart climbed into her throat as he blinked and turned his face to hers.
"What are you doing?" he said, but he smiled as he said it.
It did not occur to her to try to think up a plausible lie. "Um. Smelling you?" His smile increased by a measure, and Kiroli thought her heart might stutter to a stop. Their faces were so close. She trained her eyes on that delicious smile and saw it falter.
In a faraway voice, his dream voice, Geode said, "I smelled the place in my dream. I can smell it still. Always the sweet, sick smell of death, of decay, yet the smell has not clung to you." He shuddered and put his face to her hair, inhaling as if to prove the truth of what he spoke. Kiroli felt in his touch that he pitied her, and she could not understand why.
"It wasn't so bad. Maybe it seemed worse in your dream. It didn't smell like anything, much. I was sad to leave, really."
She wasn't sure if he heard a word she said, because his next words seemed completely unrelated. "You are a sweet little thing, aren't you?" and he pressed his lips to hers.
They were even softer than she had imagined, his lips. She politely closed her eyes and held her breath, and her tongue darted out to taste his mouth. It tasted like mouth. I'm no longer a virgin! she thought ecstatically. This is the act of love and now I can marry and maybe I'll have his baby!
But Geode quickly pulled away. She could feel him eyeing her, though she kept her lids lowered. His hand rested on hers and she could feel that he did not want to marry her, did not even want to kiss her again. She had misunderstood. Who can say whether this is more or less cruel than what most maids know when kissed? Her hopes were dashed the moment she hoped them. Geode opened his mouth to speak, but instead, pushed Kiroli from him, tossed the cat from his lap (which stalked away, insulted), rose, and moved to the opposite side of the fire, and it was there that Serefina found them.
51,328 / 50,000
Nov 14, 2008 - 16 47
“Would you kiss one?” he asked.
I started to protest, maybe to even hit him lightly on the chest. Just because I’m saying no doesn’t mean that I should deny myself the pleasure of touching him, should it?
But it was too late for that, because he grabbed my shoulders, bringing his face down towards mine. I involuntarily scrambled back, and found myself leaning against a tree. His arms came up, one on each side of me, and kissed me, taking a step closer, until he was leaning against me. I put my arms around his neck, plucking at the back of his Hurley t-shirt. His lips were full, this I already knew, but I hadn’t realized how soft they were. I pressed myself closer against him, and in response his arms went around my waist, holding me so tightly to him and pushing me back to lean against the trees again. I felt his mouth open against mine, and that was when I lost track of where I started and he began. I pulled back at last, breathing heavily, my lips feeling swollen from the kissing. I could see traces of my lipgloss around his mouth, and his hair tangled from my fingers.
“That was amazing,” he sighed.
And that was when it hit me. I’d known him for only a week. One week. You didn’t kiss people that you’d known for a week, especially not like that, and especially when you don’t believe in love.
“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” he told me quietly, running a hand across my cheek.
I pushed it away.
“That was a mistake,” I groaned, leaning down, crouching, holding my head. The weight of the world felt so heavy just then.
“No,” Dimitri murmured. “I’ve been making mistakes all my life. That was right. That was so right.”
“Not for me,” I answered, my voice cracking, both because I was incredulous at what he was saying, and because I felt guilty, because I couldn’t help but think how I’d like to kiss him again.
“Do you believe in fate?” he asked quietly.
“No,” I answered, and I stood, walking away, and trying not burst into running.
30,003 / 50,000
Nov 16, 2008 - 15 17
It is not like it really meant that much at the time. At least we did not want it to mean anything. You see, at the time, I did not really know what it was. I just figured the right girl had not come along yet.
We talked about girls we would like to kiss or touch or fuck. About what we thought boobs felt like and we blushed a little when we started sharing masturbation fantasies. Our voices got lower and we inched close to each other, so no passer-bys could overhear what we were talking about. It is funny that I distinctly remember how his warm breath smelled like tobacco and tickled my neck when he whispered into my ear. I turned my head and we kissed almost naturally, without thinking about it. Then bolted apart. I don’t remember the first kiss as vividly as I would like to. In fact, I remember the bolt better the kiss. We quickly agreed that we had only done it to find out what it was like to kiss at all. It would be our secret! It would never happen again! We made a pact, and we kept the first part perfectly… the second part, not so much.
In fact, this first kiss was quickly followed by intense kissing research that we figured we needed in order not to suck when we were finally to be getting girlfriends. We pretended to imagine girls while kissing each other. I don’t know if he ever thought about a girl while kissing me. I did not manage to do it. Jan’s lips never tasted the way I imagined a girl tasting.
50,810 / 50,000
Nov 16, 2008 - 17 59
tdforrester, I love it! That is a wonderful first kiss scene. It really draws the reader in.
50,252 / 50,000
Nov 17, 2008 - 12 38
incredible. :)
Except,
the only thing that was mildly distracting (this is just me being annoying & picky, you don't have to change it):
first you say: "He expected her to move away, but Carmen always surprised him."
later on, you add: "... he could sense her caution and curiousity. He knew her so well."
They each seem to fit in nicely when looked at seperately, but since you used them in the same scene there's a bit too much of a contrast, and it just makes things confusing. I suggest you take one of them out and maybe use it elsewhere.
^ Again, this is just my opinion, don't be offended, you still did an amazing job :)
50,012 / 50,000
Nov 17, 2008 - 17 41
No worries. I posted it b/c I want that kind of feedback. It's hard for me to pick up on those kinds of things b/c I know what I want to say and how the characters are supposed to think. I appreciate all feedback. Thanks everyone who posted here! Keep 'em coming. I love to read everyone's kiss scenes.
50,012 / 50,000
Nov 17, 2008 - 17 43
Damole, I just read your scene. Amazing. It's intense but sweet at the same time. I can sense them falling in love.
50,100 / 50,000
Nov 18, 2008 - 19 37
Short, cutesy pseudo-fairytale. What should I add?
"He pulled her close and gave her a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek. While his lips were cold, the Princess felt as if the kiss warmed her so much more than the cold stares and colder situations of the past few days had chilled her heart. "
50,224 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2008 - 04 55
Tallisk cocked his head but said nothing. I opened my mouth once more, closed it, and looked away. There were a few moments of strained silence.
“Eion,” he said.
I looked up. My eyes were too hot. The room swam in my vision.
Tallisk brushed his fingers across my lips, my cheek. Then he closed his hand on the back of my neck, squeezing softly. I closed my eyes and breathed soft through my parted lips. His hand engulfed my neck. His thumb brushed the edge of my ear. I must have made some sort of sound. He chuckled, harshly -- there was no humour in it, only a strength of feeling that made my hair stand on end. My eyes flew open and we locked gazes.
“Go to your room,” he said.
I remained on the stool, unmoving -- he did not remove his hand from my neck, either. I turned my head sideways a little so my cheek lay against his wrist. I could feel his pulse thrumming there. Its beat matched my own.
"Shall I leave?" I whispered.
"Yes. You must. You should." He bent down to me, still holding me fast, and I felt his breath whisper over my cheek. Then his mouth was on mine. I tasted him; one sip and I was drunk on him.
--
...I must have a lot of courage, posting one of the most embarassing excerpts. I hope it, er, works as intended, though.
50,062 / 50,000
Nov 21, 2008 - 12 58
I don't see why you think you need to be embarrassed about that excerpt, JackLuminous.
Of course I don't know the backstory, but I get the feeling Tallisk wanted to kiss Eion, but either thinks or knows he should not do it. The scene is more intense than fluffy. If that is what you intended to write, then you have done very well.
---
And now for my own bit (hoping there are at least no embarrassing typos in there)
Backstory: FMC has big issues regarding physical intimacy, including kissing. For the past few months, FMC and MMC have been platonic friends, though he has sort-of admitted to being in love with her.
I hope it's not too long.
---
As she felt her emotions really calm down for the first time Elisabeth moved over to William's side of the couch. As she reached the spot next to him, he draped his arm around her and cuddled her closer to him. She rested her head on his chest. For the moment she was free from fear. Elisabeth decided to enjoy this moment instead of worrying about something that might happen in the future. Her mind cleared and she could concentrate on experiencing her situation. She felt William's warmth where her body touched his: her cheek, her shoulder, her hip. Her head moved slightly with the steady rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. She could hear his heartbeat, comforting in its regularity. Elisabeth lifted her arm to rest it on his chest. As it curled slightly in his shirt, William looked up at her. She smiled and made herself comfortable within his embrace. Now she felt his hand move; it was tracing a lazy pattern on her back that left her a little breathless.
They lay like that for a while and slowly Elisabeth relaxed into slumber. When she woke one of her arms was sleeping. She slowly sat up and tried to massage the pins and needles away. It had gone dark while she dozed. The TV was still on, but the volume was turned down low. William must have noticed she had fallen asleep and lowered the volume so as not to wake her. She turned to him to thank him, but the words never left her mouth.
His eyes were closed, his head had fallen back and only now did she realize he was softly snoring. How incredibly harmless he looked like this, how completely vulnerable! For the first time in a long time Elisabeth realized that not everyone was always stronger than her. Here was a man who had given her a power over him that was more terrifying than physical dominance. He had given her his love, and with that the power to hurt him deeply. Elisabeth swallowed. She did not want to hurt him, and vowed to herself that she would do all in her power to prevent her hurting him inadvertently.
Her gaze drifted over to his lips. They were slightly parted in sleep. Would she ever be able to kiss him? Suddenly a daring thought entered her head. She was not scared of him now; he was asleep and would not do anything. What if she kissed him now? Just to practice, to know how it felt. Then, if he kissed her later, she would be less surprised. Elisabeth licked her lips in anticipation. She felt her heartbeat speed up, but not in fear.
Elisabeth leaned one knee on the couch so she could hover over William. She brought her face close to his and put one hand on the armrest to keep her balance. She hardly dared to breathe because she was afraid to wake him. Again she glanced at his lips, then back at his eyes that were still closed. Slowly she lowered her head and closed the gap. His lips were too far apart to kiss both at once – unless she opened her mouth, which she was not prepared to do. First she touched her mouth to his upper lip. It was warm and soft. After just a moment she broke the contact and nervously looked at his eyes. Her experiment did not seem to have woken him.
William's breath tickled her chin and throat. Elisabeth looked again at his mouth. His bottom lip was fuller, and she could not resist touching her own lips to it. This time she lingered over the contact, letting her own lips enclose his. It felt tremendously exciting to be so intimate with him. Suddenly she felt William's hand move, and she broke the contact quickly, intent on moving away. His arm steadied her and she looked up into his face. His eyes were now open and the look in them was slightly confused. “Did you just kiss me?” His voice was soft and husky with sleep.
Blushing, Elisabeth could do nothing but nod.
“Did you like it? Or was it as bad as you had feared?”
“It wasn't bad. I think I liked it.”
“You think? How come you do not know?”
“I... it was just a short one.”
William's hand still rested on the small of her back. He reached out with his other hand to touch her face. Trembling Elisabeth waited what he would no next. His hand curled around the side of her face, the tip of his fingers touching the nape of her neck while his thumb caressed her cheekbone. “Perhaps...” Soft pressure from his hand brought her face closer to his. Their lips nearly touched, their breath mingled. “May I kiss you?” Had his hand not been touching her cheek he would not have noticed her small answering nod. Slowly he closed the gap between them. Elisabeth could not repress a soft gasp at the feel of his mouth closing over hers. His lips were more firm now that he was awake, and they had softly caressed her own. Elisabeth felt as if a whole swarm of butterflies had just been released inside her. She looked into William's eyes. They seemed to search for something – acceptance, permission? Elisabeth smiled to reassure him and felt, rather than saw, that he smiled in response.
Again he touched his lips to hers. Now he drew her upper lip between his and lightly suckled it. Her eyes drifted closed. She let him take the lead as he now moved his attention to her bottom lip. Her arm started to tremble and she became afraid she would crash on top of him – but she did not want to get up, either. William released her mouth and softly kissed her on the cheek. She felt his breath on her ear as he whispered to her. “Lean on me.” He softly tugged her down to him, until her weight was fully supported by him. He now cupped her face with both hands and kissed her again, more fiercely this time. Elisabeth inhaled sharply at this and opened her eyes again. William stopped kissing and stroked her cheek. “Too much? I'm sorry.” He drew her head down to his shoulder and tucked her body safely in his embrace. He slowly rubbed her back and shoulder. Elisabeth rested her hand again on his chest and dropped a small kiss on his jawline. “Thank you.”
5,289 / 50,000
Nov 21, 2008 - 16 19
Excellent job. I've read some good, some bad, and some ugly on this site. Your excerpt was the good.
60,564 / 50,000
Nov 21, 2008 - 19 00
My character's first kiss...
...is at the end.
They're only thirteen. :P But it's with the guy that she's supposed to be with. XD
31,850 / 50,000
Nov 22, 2008 - 06 03
Of course I don't know the back story, but I get the feeling Tallisk wanted to kiss Eion, but either thinks or knows he should not do it. The scene is more intense than fluffy. If that is what you intended to write, then you have done very well.
---
And now for my own bit (hoping there are at least no embarrassing typos in there)
Back story: FMC has big issues regarding physical intimacy, including kissing. For the past few months, FMC and MMC have been platonic friends, though he has sort-of admitted to being in love with her.
I hope it's not too long.
---
As she felt her emotions really calm down for the first time Elisabeth moved over to William's side of the couch. As she reached the spot next to him, he draped his arm around her and cuddled her closer to him. She rested her head on his chest. For the moment she was free from fear. Elisabeth decided to enjoy this moment instead of worrying about something that might happen in the future. Her mind cleared and she could concentrate on experiencing her situation. She felt William's warmth where her body touched his: her cheek, her shoulder, her hip. Her head moved slightly with the steady rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. She could hear his heartbeat, comforting in its regularity. Elisabeth lifted her arm to rest it on his chest. As it curled slightly in his shirt, William looked up at her. She smiled and made herself comfortable within his embrace. Now she felt his hand move; it was tracing a lazy pattern on her back that left her a little breathless.
They lay like that for a while and slowly Elisabeth relaxed into slumber. When she woke one of her arms was sleeping. She slowly sat up and tried to massage the pins and needles away. It had gone dark while she dozed. The TV was still on, but the volume was turned down low. William must have noticed she had fallen asleep and lowered the volume so as not to wake her. She turned to him to thank him, but the words never left her mouth.
His eyes were closed, his head had fallen back and only now did she realize he was softly snoring. How incredibly harmless he looked like this, how completely vulnerable! For the first time in a long time Elisabeth realized that not everyone was always stronger than her. Here was a man who had given her a power over him that was more terrifying than physical dominance. He had given her his love, and with that the power to hurt him deeply. Elisabeth swallowed. She did not want to hurt him, and vowed to herself that she would do all in her power to prevent her hurting him inadvertently.
Her gaze drifted over to his lips. They were slightly parted in sleep. Would she ever be able to kiss him? Suddenly a daring thought entered her head. She was not scared of him now; he was asleep and would not do anything. What if she kissed him now? Just to practice, to know how it felt. Then, if he kissed her later, she would be less surprised. Elisabeth licked her lips in anticipation. She felt her heartbeat speed up, but not in fear.
Elisabeth leaned one knee on the couch so she could hover over William. She brought her face close to his and put one hand on the armrest to keep her balance. She hardly dared to breathe because she was afraid to wake him. Again she glanced at his lips, then back at his eyes that were still closed. Slowly she lowered her head and closed the gap. His lips were too far apart to kiss both at once – unless she opened her mouth, which she was not prepared to do. First she touched her mouth to his upper lip. It was warm and soft. After just a moment she broke the contact and nervously looked at his eyes. Her experiment did not seem to have woken him.
William's breath tickled her chin and throat. Elisabeth looked again at his mouth. His bottom lip was fuller, and she could not resist touching her own lips to it. This time she lingered over the contact, letting her own lips enclose his. It felt tremendously exciting to be so intimate with him. Suddenly she felt William's hand move, and she broke the contact quickly, intent on moving away. His arm steadied her and she looked up into his face. His eyes were now open and the look in them was slightly confused. “Did you just kiss me?” His voice was soft and husky with sleep.
Blushing, Elisabeth could do nothing but nod.
“Did you like it? Or was it as bad as you had feared?”
“It wasn't bad. I think I liked it.”
“You think? How come you do not know?”
“I... it was just a short one.”
William's hand still rested on the small of her back. He reached out with his other hand to touch her face. Trembling Elisabeth waited what he would no next. His hand curled around the side of her face, the tip of his fingers touching the nape of her neck while his thumb caressed her cheekbone. “Perhaps...” Soft pressure from his hand brought her face closer to his. Their lips nearly touched, their breath mingled. “May I kiss you?” Had his hand not been touching her cheek he would not have noticed her small answering nod. Slowly he closed the gap between them. Elisabeth could not repress a soft gasp at the feel of his mouth closing over hers. His lips were more firm now that he was awake, and they had softly caressed her own. Elisabeth felt as if a whole swarm of butterflies had just been released inside her. She looked into William's eyes. They seemed to search for something – acceptance, permission? Elisabeth smiled to reassure him and felt, rather than saw, that he smiled in response.
Again he touched his lips to hers. Now he drew her upper lip between his and lightly suckled it. Her eyes drifted closed. She let him take the lead as he now moved his attention to her bottom lip. Her arm started to tremble and she became afraid she would crash on top of him – but she did not want to get up, either. William released her mouth and softly kissed her on the cheek. She felt his breath on her ear as he whispered to her. “Lean on me.” He softly tugged her down to him, until her weight was fully supported by him. He now cupped her face with both hands and kissed her again, more fiercely this time. Elisabeth inhaled sharply at this and opened her eyes again. William stopped kissing and stroked her cheek. “Too much? I'm sorry.” He drew her head down to his shoulder and tucked her body safely in his embrace. He slowly rubbed her back and shoulder. Elisabeth rested her hand again on his chest and dropped a small kiss on his jawline. “Thank you.”
This is such a cute first kiss <3
it had me smiling from the start.
It sorta reminds me of my characters "first kiss"
Though, I don't consider it their first because, my MFC was sleeping, and my MMC was awake.
Plus something dreadful happened bofore the kiss,
so it was one of those kisses that happen due to the emotion around them, and they want comfort.
SO my MFC thinks it was a dream, and William was overly tired to remember what happened. :D
Yay? well here is mine...well not the real first kiss since both are not awake to realize what is happening xD
The voice, I had heard it somewhere, was it William, Matthew? It leaned closer to me, making it easier to hear its soft, stable breathing. The way it breathed I could tell it was over me, close enough it seemed to see right through me. I felt it move in; something soft touched my lips, and pressed into me for a second or two then pulled away.
“G’night,” it whispered once more.
I slightly shifted and vaguely opened my eyes to see William a little drowsy himself; his eyes were now wide with fright still leaning a bit over me. I smiled sleepily, extending my arms out and around his neck pulling him back in. Our lips touched, sending a surge through out my body, somehow weakening me. He pulled away, and my arms went limp. His face was tinted into a darker shade of red and stared at me, in awe. Then in an instant, he rushed out of the room leaving me to drift off into my little world.
0 / 50,000
Nov 23, 2008 - 12 26
Just a suggestion for Feolys...and please, always take suggestions and shape them into your own unique way of writing -
Instead of saying the Princess felt as if the kiss warmed her, you may want to rephrase it that the Princess was warmed by the kiss or the kiss warmed the Princess. This is a mistake I make often - saying the character felt this or felt that instead of just making it their emotion. ie. His lips felt warm and soft...should be His lips were warm and soft. You also say the kiss warmed her more than the cold stares etc. How did cold stares and colder situations warm her? The kiss should have vanquished the cold stares, thawed them, eased the pain of them. Your style, by the way, is beautiful but the meaning is unclear.
0 / 50,000
Nov 23, 2008 - 12 49
“Well, I still find it incredibly sweet, " Tia said, "though I have to wonder why you brought me out here to tell me instead of just walking me to my car and telling me there.”
A rakish grin tipped the corner of his mouth. “I figured I’d have a better chance of catching you when you ran away if you weren’t close to your car, given the five inch heels and all.”
“You thought I’d run away because you told me I was different than the other women you’ve been with?”
“No,” he said softly, slipping his arms around her waist, “but I thought you might after I did this.”
He dipped his head, capturing her mouth with his. Her stomach did a wild flip then a complete gymnastic performance, competing with the erratic thumping of her heart. His lips were warm and soft, but the kiss itself was hard and possessive and Tia all but melted into him. As soon as her arms moved up over Rafe's shoulders and around his neck, his hold on her tightened; the sensation of his muscular body pressed so close to hers setting off a series of fireworks from head to toe. She melted a little more, a soft moan rolling in the back of her throat when the kiss deepened and his tongue found hers.
My God, the man was potent, she thought. He assaulted all her senses at once; the taste of his mouth, the scent of his skin, the feel of his strong arms around her, they all worked together to keep her thrown off balance. It wasn’t like her to allow a man to kiss her like this, not without having spent more than one evening with him at any rate, and it wasn’t at all like her to wish they were someplace more private so she wouldn’t have to be afraid someone would come around the corner and spot them. She wanted the kiss to go on forever, wanted the fire that he’d ignited inside of her to burn even brighter, and she wanted to be able run her hands over every delicious inch of him.
Rafe brushed his lips along her jaw, made a slow trail down the side of her neck, his insides quivering from wanting her so much. Never in his life had a woman made him feel like this and he didn’t want it to end, which was exactly what would happen once she found out he was James Rafferty Prescott unless he bound her to him both emotionally and physically. He kissed his way back to her mouth, seducing her with his lips, his tongue, the slow movement of his hips against hers. The only problem with that, he discovered, was that he was getting more aroused by the minute and was afraid if they continued much longer, the party would be over before it ever began.
Rafe reluctantly pulled back, not far, because he didn’t want any of the heat he’d built up inside of her too cool, but far enough that he could talk without being tempted to put his lips right back where they’d been. Lord, but Tia made him feel drunk being this close. He put another inch between them and when he spoke, he kept his voice low and deep.
“Spend the night with me, Tia. Let me make love to you.”