Brought to you from a good friend of mine with a wicked sense of humor:
The following ritual was found in a musty, dusty old fragment of parchment lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn't been disturbed by the presence of man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane, forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of caffeine jitters.
Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, entitled "The Mystery of the StarBuck".
THE CAFFEINATED CROSS
Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew, in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness.
Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone:
"LATTE"
Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel:
"MOCHA"
Bring your coffee cup to your left shoulder:
"CAPPUCHINO"
Bring it across to your right shoulder:
"FRAPPUCHINO"
Clasp your coffee cup in both hands over your heart chakra:
"ARABICA, OH MAN!"
Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:
"BEFORE ME, MRS. OLSON"
"BEHIND ME, JUAN VALDEZ"
"AT MY RIGHT HAND, M J B"
"AT MY LEFT HAND, THE BROTHERS HILLS"
"FOR ABOUT ME SWIRLS THE COFFEE AROMA"
"WITHIN ME SINGS THE CAFFEINE HIGH"
Drink the coffee, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Coffee Bean. This last step may be usefully repeated as long as you like
pythorium.com
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Out in the cold
Hear me calling
Cold
Out in the cold
Please rescue me
Judas Priest 'Out in the Cold' lyrics
20,955 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2008 - 02 32
lol :D. Very nice. The only thing is, around my house it would be a daily ritual, not weekly.
50,057 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2008 - 15 37
Oh, if only I had developed a taste for coffee...
50,028 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2008 - 17 38
So? Modify it for your favorite beverage! :D
Yes, it could be a Daily Ritual as well, but I figured if you opened the coffee can and performed the ritual, empowering y our coffee grounds once a week, it would keep things rolling along smoothly.
----------Out in the cold
Hear me calling
Cold
Out in the cold
Please rescue me
Judas Priest 'Out in the Cold' lyrics
50,129 / 50,000
Nov 5, 2008 - 20 46
ROTFL! That's hysterical!
---------------
2008: (ScriptFrenzy) Off Season (won!)
2007: Confederation (*so* won)
2007: (ScriptFrenzy) Serpentine (won)
2006: The Definition of a Madman (won)
2005: The Mighty Quinn (won)
60,714 / 50,000
Nov 6, 2008 - 10 19
This is hilarious. Definitely brought more spirit to my writing block. I am swimming in stalled story - trying to make the beginning meet the end somewhere, and now, you give me new ideas and the creativity flows with this! Hilarious. Thank you!
----------Second Time Participant.
NaNo 2008 - When the Lights Go Out
http://www.editred.com/isismarie
http://oxfoxieroxiexo.livejournal.com
51,686 / 50,000
Nov 15, 2008 - 00 31
This was probably taken from "The Egyptian Coffee Texts". I'm sure it will be featured on a History Channel documentary one day soon!
Yes, definitely a daily ritual for me.
----------"Uncertainty is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom." - Deepak Chopra
11,547 / 50,000
Nov 19, 2008 - 12 42
I reworked this for my tea-drinking friends. Here's the bulk of it:
THE CAFFEINATED CROSS
Stand, facing east, holding your tea cup, filled with the mystical infusion, in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness.
Bring your tea cup to your forehead and intone:
"CHAI"
Lower your tea cup to the vicinity of your navel:
"EARL GREY"
Bring your tea cup to your left shoulder:
"BLACK"
Bring it across to your right shoulder:
"GREEN"
Clasp your tea cup in both hands over your heart chakra:
"OOLONG, OH MAN!"
Extend your arms to the sides, and intone:
"BEFORE ME, CELESTIAL SEASONINGS.”
"BEHIND ME, REPUBLIC OF TEA."
"AT MY RIGHT HAND, LIPTON."
"AT MY LEFT HAND, BIGELOW."
"FOR ABOUT ME STEEPS AN AROMATIC BREW"
"WITHIN ME, MY SPIRIT STIRS ANEW."
Drink the tea, in communion with the spirits of the Sacred Tea Leaf. This last step may be repeated as long as you like.
105,000 / 50,000
Nov 21, 2008 - 21 31
LLLLLLOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was just the pickup I needed!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loolllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......................... I'll reply again later when I'm more coherant and laughing a litte less so the computer holds stilll....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lolololollllll!!!!!!!!!!
52,280 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2008 - 08 22
Oh my gosh... I don't know how you survived this month without it!
*claps in awe*
-L.P.
-----------L.P.
52,583 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2008 - 17 59
In the name of the cup, the saucer and the holy roast!
----------Thank you, this made my day
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