I need insults. All sort of insults. Fat jokes. Ugly jokes. 'You're so dumb' jokes. I don't need anything too racy or against a certain group. But I do need a whole bunch of insults for my book. I could make some of my own, or google 'funny insults', which I had already done both, but I need plenty more, and I figured this could be an excuse for you guys to get your creative juices going in case you get stuck. Also feel free to take insults if you like. I'll leave some I've already used in my novel already:
"Ack! There's a big ugly bump on your neck! No wait, that's your head."
"Why don't you go blow your brains out? You have nothing to lose."
"You're so fat, you once jumped in the air and got stuck!"
----------
50,326 / 50,000
Nov 15, 2008 - 03 56
"What's that on your forehead, oh wait, it's your circumcision scar"
----------"If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose"
"Don't piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining"
Location : Somewhere on the far side of crazy, past the dark side of the moon, and on my way to becoming comfortably numb.
visit my blog : http://kostopia.blogspot.com/
50,157 / 50,000
Nov 16, 2008 - 00 59
"Your mom" jokes between siblings.. especially if their mother eventually joins in
10,453 / 50,000
Nov 16, 2008 - 15 07
I was thinking of using:
Girl: There's this big zit on your face, I can't seem to pop it though...........
-she squeezes boy's cheeks together-
80,274 / 50,000
Nov 16, 2008 - 15 07
One I've just randomly thought up -
'You're a mouldy cheese and onion sandwich, after it has been thrown up by a aging Rhinocerous with a heamoraging stomach ulcer, and then re-eaten by an Alsation.'
Not that funny, but it sounds good.
----------My website: http://lorettameyr.livejournal.com
33,598 / 50,000
Nov 18, 2008 - 07 27
Oh my God, my brother does this. Whenever we're talking and he wants to change the subject, he just inserts a 'your mom' joke and we end up giggling like crazy. It's really funny, but I'm not sure how funny it is to anyone besides the two of us, so you may not want to over-use it.
50,083 / 50,000
Nov 26, 2008 - 13 03
My teachers like to use this a lot on my classmates: "Shut up, it makes you sound smarter."
Something I just thought up, when one character is given something by another:
----------"If I was looking for [insert whatever it is] I would have just looked up my ass."
Also works with one character referring to another. An example of a modification: "If I was in need of your expertise, I would have looked up my ass."
I wrote 1131 words in 30 minutes with Dr. Wicked's "Write or Die."
You can, too.
130,143 / 50,000
Nov 26, 2008 - 14 14
Now, this depends on how dirty you want to get, but there's one that's been circulating with a few select friends and myself. They go something like this:
-Person 1 will say something, and this something can really be just about anything.
-Person 2 will say that your mom (insert whatever Person 1 said). We all know someone who does the 'your mom...', and if you don't, you can have some of the people I know XD
-Either Person 1 again, or else Person 3, asks you to bend over, and they'll show you (whatever Person 1 said and Person 2 said that Person 1's mom should do).
That sounds confusing, so I'll give you an example:
P 1: I'm hungry... I think I'll eat a hot dog.
P 2: Your mom eats hot dogs.
P 1/P 3: Bend over and I'll show you a hot dog.
Not always funny - I've seen instances where it was the most absurd thing ever that someone's mom likes/someone bent over got to see. It can be quite amusing, though.
----------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2007 - Awaken - Winner - 77921
2008 - No Hero - Winner - 80,126
2008 - Zombie Story - To be determined
Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.
60,208 / 50,000
Nov 26, 2008 - 14 17
You didn't get hit with an ugly stick. The whole forest fell on you.
You're so fat, when you haul ass it takes three trips.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
As for the mom thing, my kids like to do this with me, trying to get me stuck saying something to them about "your mom."
----------Winner 2005: The Tribe of Palmetto Bay
Winner 2006: The Blue Light
Winner 2007: Fido
Life as Fiction http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Sm5OpvolaaMtY00E8jWCODkBXNA-;_ylt=AveHPsO...
16,351 / 50,000
Nov 26, 2008 - 17 04
That's what she said!
Or, conversely, "that's not what she said", "that's not what your mom said", or "that's not was your mom/girlfriend/whoever said last night".
I was introduced to that sort of thing in tech theater (set building for theater). Everything was "so-and-so's long, hard wood."
You can go really dirty with these ones.
50,748 / 50,000
Nov 29, 2008 - 16 40
I have one that my friends and i do at lunch. it's kind of dirty but not really. we're ninth graders...what do u expect?? anyway here's how it goes:
Person 1 (to anyone): Michael JAckson came over to your house last night...and did you......a FAVOR!
\and another one:
Michael JAckson came over to your house, and went in the kitchen....and grabbed a banana!
.....yeah. it makes us laugh for a while. XD
----------OMG especially the 1st time! *sighs in memory* esspecially when we'd repeat it over and over.....and then it got old after a few days but it was fun while it lasted.
If God was as sick, twisted and insane as Nanoers, we're in for a whole lot of trouble