Evaluate the above poster's excerpt thread.

I think the excerpt was an interesting look inside the story. I saw the little breaks between areas and wasn't quite sure if they were from different areas of the story, or if it was just suppose to be seperating from different time periods. I liked the ending of it though, got me a little hooked on wanting to see what more was going on.

Black Rose,

Liked your excerpt, found it intriguing, particularly the reference to "the mind arcanum," and the ominous sounding "Bedlam Hospital." Good Synopsis, too. I'm a fan of all things paranormal, so it definitely made me interested to check out your book. Seems like you have a nice way of blending the ordinary, banal interpersonal stuff with an extra level of weirdness, which is generally a promising mix. As the kind of excerpt that might serve as a sort of teaser, say at the end of your last book, I might want to see a little more about how the Awakened operate, maybe see her try to read his mind during the conversation, see if he already knew about the baby, that kind of thing. Anyway, looks good! One thing I did notice was a tense shift, from past at the beginning to present in the middle. Best to pick one and stick with it. Personally I'd go with past, as I tend to find present tense narrative a little distracting (too "writerly," maybe? )

Note for whoever reads mine: as you may have guessed after noticing my paltry word count, I will be unable to complete the nano challenge this year due to extenuating circumstances involving family, work, study, and a big bad state licensing exam. BUT I'm thinking maybe I'll have another crack at it once the life dust settles, so I appreciate any reactions you have!

Wooow.

I'm bummed you're not finishing this, I really want to know what's up with the girl. She's skitzo? And what's with the attachment to random guys? Hmm...man I want to know what's going to happen!

Good work!

A nice start to a Little Red Riding Hood twist. I do like fairy tales...especially dark fairy tales. Keep going, I would love to see more of this...do you think it will sell? Because I do. I like this very much. The mysterious nature of the story is very interesting.

D.N.Lyons: I'm quite impressed! I imagine it would make more sense if I read the books in order, but your excerpt definitely draws me in. I hope you have the series published, because I would definitely read it. Fascinating!

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