I'm writing one, and am not sure how to make it not cheesy yet cutesy. Here's what I have so far.
"His gaze flickered between her face and her hands, which were slowly opening the lid of the tacky, hideous, brightly colored box. Inside was a small, delicate lacquer ware compact painted a dark red with a pattern of hibiscus flowers.
She opened it to find a note taped to the bottom mirror. The writing was tiny, but she could make out the words ever so slowly…
'All I want is to see your face first thing in the morning, every morning for the rest of my life…' "
And then he proposes, but I am stuck on this point.
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70,110 / 50,000
Nov 29, 2008 - 21 07
dunno if this will help but...
when hubby proposed to me it was in a hosptial. Mum was sick and we had all gone in as a family to visit her. Hubby had asked Dad's permission the previous evening and made me wait in the corridor while he asked Mum. When the others arrived, Dad went in and the rest of us waited otuside. Finally dad said we could go in.
my sis looked at hubby and said 'well you've asked mum and dad, have you asked (me) yet?'
He said no. Then he pulls a rose from the vase of flowers, shoves it between his teeth, drops to one knee and looks at me.
me meanwhile is dying of embarrassment, not quite sure he is gonna do it now in front of the ENTIRE family!
but yeah he did. Told me he loved me, didnt' want to be without me and would i marry him.
and the rest as they say is history. we married a yr later and are still together 16 yrs on.
----------2006 - Malestrom - Winner
2007 - Fractured Rainbows - winner
2008 - Dark Orchid - winner
0 / 50,000
Nov 29, 2008 - 21 23
You have a wonderful lead in...sweet and simple, so I think you should keep it that way. Why not just add:
Marry me, be my wife.
50,100 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2008 - 10 44
Peter’s hands shook as he drew another box from his pocket “Haha, this is the last one, I swear.” He met her gaze with the same goofy grin that he was prone to use whenever he was making an attempt to lighten the situation. The next thing he knew, though, he found himself on one knee, opening the box.
“Will you marry me?” He asked in a voice free from the jokes, free from laughter.
“Yes”
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