I'm writing a historical novel with some romance (it's not historical romance, I reason, because there is romance IN IT but it's not focused on the romance/relationship... in fact, a lot of people fall in love in this book... anyway, it's more about the history of the family and the relationship between father/son than it is about my FMC falling in love with my MMC). (I am prone to long parenthetical phrases. My characters hate me for it.)
I'm having trouble making the relationship between my MMC and my FMC believable. They're really great as friends, which is perfect, it's what I need... But as soon as I start writing something about them being in love, it just comes out sappy and strange. I don't want them to be "in love at first sight;" they grew a friendship and then realized a love for one another. So they say really odd things like this:
Puzzled, he fixed his attention on her full lips, and that place where he felt he belonged just above her chin. Say what? he thought. He took a plunge and hoped he was correct.
"Eleanor, I love you."
Silent tears painted her face softly, slowly, but surely. He lifted his hand to wipe them away, but she took it instead and brought it to the ground. She bent forward and kissed him on the forehead, the left cheek, the right cheek, his nose, and his chin, then hesitated before falling into a full and proper kiss on the lips. She drank him in so deeply that even he felt intoxicated.
She pulled back to respond, then jumped immediately back into his kiss. "A thousand times, Johnny; I love you, too." They swam in each other's embrace and came up for air only when absolutely necessary.
"Don't let go," he whispered as she rose slightly to reposition herself.
"I never will," she responded as softly and let him take her where he would. They stayed there, locked into each other, until dawn. Johnny had left Eleanor's bedside well past midnight, and Eleanor had found him thinking further past three o'clock, but it still felt like it took days for light to creep up over the church walls and seep into their dream.
Johnny looked into Eleanor's eyes, a perpetual smile slapped across his face while she returned the same loving stare.
"Are we crazy?" she said quietly, but he felt no hint of real concern. Perhaps they were crazy, but she clearly didn't care.
"I know that I'm crazy for you, if that's what you mean," he said. She laughed loudly.
"Oh Johnny, you're such a goof! What I meant is... Is this, well, are we crazy for even considering this? I come from..." she let her voice trail off, assuming Johnny knew exactly what she meant.
"Where do you come from?" he prompted, unwilling to let her back down from giving him some hint of her life.
She glared at him playfully, but answered him bluntly. "I'm an actress, my father is Irish, my mother is dead, and I haven't a cent to my name. I hear rumor that your father is extremely proud. Your mother seems to like me well enough, but I'm afraid that everyone thinks you're more like him. Are you?"
He grunted. "I hope not. Eleanor, as far as I'm concerned, you're a beautiful half-Irish actress who has had some misfortune in her life. Your luck has obviously changed since you met me." He beamed jokingly; he didn't meant that her finances would grow now that she knew him, merely that he was clearly the best person to be around. Inside, though, he disagreed with his own joke. To him, she was the only best person to be around.
"Of course my luck has changed; I've found love. But you know what I mean... I don't want you to get into any more trouble than you have to, all because of me."
"I would get in any amount of trouble for you, even if it meant having to stand up to my father and defend you until he saw the truth. He'll think what he wants to think, and even with an inkling of the truth he'll spend his days out pretending that what he knows is right. That isn't going to keep me from you. Nothing is going to keep me from you."
It just seems really awkward to me. I don't have much experience writing this stuff. :P Frankly, it doesn't seem natural to the characters or to me to write stuff like this... They're very sarcastic, blunt people, and having them poetically confess their love is putting a bit of a strain on the novel. Yet when I try to do the "shut up and kiss me" thing, that doesn't quite seem to work out so well either...
Any suggestions?
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2006: Untitled YA novel unfinished at 16,368
2007: Afterwords Cafe ended at 53,643.
2008: Discovering Eleanor... Still trucking.
53,259 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2008 - 12 35
My suggestion is to find a couple of romances in your genre and read them. Study how those authors write. I'd pick authors as close to your historical time periods as you can find.
Pat
0 / 50,000
Nov 30, 2008 - 13 41
I agree wtih Pat as far as reading a few love scenes from other authors, but make sure you keep your own style. Your writing is great, but it does seem a bit awkward...strained maybe, but I think you should use that to your advantage since the MC and FC really are awkward with each other in a romantic sense. It's actually more romantic that the man feels out of sorts, not knowing what to do or say, wanting to say what's in his heart but knowing it's going to sound cheesy. The FC would be flattered that he's stepping out of character to try and express his feelings. You're doing great...just tweak it a little. Sometimes just closing my eyes and visualizing the scene before writing helps me out, including playing out what they would say and how they would respondt to each other. Hope this helps....good luck!